Illegal BREASTS

How market?
Haven’t you heard that the Lagos State Government has banned hawking in public places? Despite the law, you never even bothered to do it within suburbs like Ajegunle, Badia or Okokomiko. We were notified that you were caught in a highbrow area, because you complained of bad market. For flagrantly flouting the law you have been fined N900, 000.

Flaunting what?
Girlfriend, why waste taxpayers money? We can hardly see the cleavage you are flaunting. Infact we had to call a lab technician to bring in a magnifying glass. Why expose those unripe agbalumo (cherry) to harsh weather conditions? Although your lawyer argued that the pair needed sunlight to blossom, but that is unacceptable in this court and you are fined N700, 000.

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Wrong signal
We were told that despite rain and sunshine, those heavy masts on your chest were unnecessarily exposed. All evidence shows that the masts were sending wrong signals to all the men at functions. It got so bad that the networks were clashing. With all authority vested on this court, you are sentenced to go to Benin city where you would be mandated to clear all busy mast areas.

SNAKEY
We almost mistook you for a snake girl out of an Indian film. Or were you in the House of Reps when our lawmaking sumo wrestlers and their Jackie Chan- trained opponents assaulted the sensibilities of all Nigerians? That only explains why your skirt looks so creased . Jokes apart, we know it’s a design, but it doesn’t suit you. You will be granted bail on the condition that you bring in two members of the progressives as sureties and you pay
the sum of N500, 000.

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STYLE OR FAUX?
Is this a new trend or something? You actually wore three belts at the same time? But since we don’t have enough evidence to prosecute you, we hereby adjourn this case till the 30th of August for the next hearing. Meanwhile, you are to remain in our custody, so you won’t tamper with the evidence on ground.

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Expose
You were caught on the wrong side of the law when you flouted Section 89, Subsection 12a of the 1990 Style Constitution. You are showing your bare legs and at the same time you are revealing your cleavage. You have been found guilty and sentenced to three months at Kirikiri Medium Prisons.
I rise!