Idiot Criminal of the Day

About two years ago, 55-year-old Meloney Selleneit of Centerville, Utah told her husband, 53-year-old Michael Selleneit, that their neighbor had been sexually assaulting her. Not because he'd ever touched her or even SAID anything to her. She said she was a victim of, quote, "telepathic rape." He was just doing it with his mind. Her husband actually BELIEVED her and was ALSO convinced the neighbor was using crack cocaine to control his wife's mind. So Meloney bought Michael a gun, he couldn't buy one himself, because he was a convicted felon and he SHOT their 41-year-old neighbor, Tony Pierce, twice. Fortunately, Pierce survived. Since, in case you hadn't caught on, he didn't do ANYTHING, except get caught up in his neighbor's crazy delusions. Now the Selleneits are finally on trial. Meloney has pleaded guilty to attempted criminal solicitation and possession of a dangerous weapon by a restricted person. Michael pleaded guilty to attempted manslaughter and use of a firearm by a restricted person. He has been sentenced to anywhere from two to 30 years in prison. And she'll be sentenced next month. Both of them tried to plead insanity, but were denied.

Idiot Criminal of the Day

There are a lot of bad parents out there. Then there are CRIMINALLY bad parents. On Monday, a 22-year-old guy and his 18-year-old friend were playing guitars outside a youth center in Akron, Ohio when an 11-year-old KID started an argument with them. Then the boy's mother, 31-year-old Deanna Hillyer, pulled up in her car along with her 15-year-old son and instead of being the adult, SHE started arguing with them too. Then she watched as her 15-year-old picked up his brother's bike and SWUNG it at the two men, hitting one of them in the HEAD with it.  And while the two boys kicked him on the ground, their mom hit the 18-year-old across the face with a tire pressure gauge. Someone eventually ran in and broke up the fight, but not before the older of the two men suffered some serious injuries to his head. And it turns out it all started when the 11-year-old asked the two men for a CIGARETTE and they refused. It's not clear if the mother KNEW that, but we wouldn't be surprised. Deanna was also arrested in 2010 for child endangerment, then again in 2011 after one of her other kids fell through a second story WINDOW. Deanna and her two sons are now facing charges for assault and disorderly conduct. Both victims are back home recovering.

A Major Pasta Company CEO Says He Doesn't Want Gays Eating His Spaghetti

I'm not sure anyone has brand loyalty when it comes to spaghetti noodles, don't you just buy whatever's on sale at the grocery store? But at least now you have a reason NOT to buy one brand. Guido Barilla is the CEO of the Italian company Barilla, which is a pretty big pasta brand worldwide. And on Wednesday, he was on an Italian radio show and said, quote, "We won't include gays in our ads, because we like the traditional family. If gays don't like it, they can always eat another brand of pasta." Right, because if there's one thing gay people want, it's processed carbs. Anyway, yesterday he tried to backpedal and figured it might be better to come off vaguely misogynist rather than full-on homophobic. Quote, "I apologize if my words generated misunderstandings or controversy, in the interview I just wanted to underline the centrality of the woman's role in the family.

A Guy Re-Growing a New Nose on His Forehead

A common plastic surgery technique that doctors use involves taking tissue from one part of the body, and transferring it into place. But this might be a first. A new photo is circulating around of a man in China who lost his nose and is re-growing one on his forehead and it's absolutely FANTASTIC.

An Office Is Evacuated Because of an Envelope With White Powder, But Someone Was Just Trying to Pay a Bill With Crack

Yesterday morning, a guy in Deltona, Florida walked into a water department office, handed an employee an envelope, and walked out. And when the employee opened the envelope, she found WHITE POWDER inside. So the employees called the cops, who evacuated the entire building and brought in a Hazmat team to figure out what the white powder was. Anthrax? Poison? Something else lethal? No, it turned out to be CRACK. Apparently the guy who'd delivered it didn't have cash to pay his water bill, so he tried to pay for it in crack cocaine. The sheriff's department is tracking him down.

A Man Intentionally Overdoses On Viagra to Impress His Girlfriend and Ends Up With His Junk Amputated

We've got a cautionary tale about overdosing on drugs. And even though it happened in Colombia, somehow it's not about overdosing on cocaine. Or really strong coffee. Earlier this month, a 66-year-old farmer from Gigante, Colombia wanted to impress his new girlfriend, so he intentionally OD'd on VIAGRA. Unfortunately for him, the Viagra worked too well and his ENGORGEMENT wouldn't go down. After a few days, it started to HURT, and he ended up going to the hospital. The doctors found it was INFLAMED, FRACTURED, and had GANGRENE, so they had to AMPUTATE his penis to keep the inflammation and gangrene from spreading. The doctors say he's now, quote, "recovering well", but you'd have to imagine there's a cap on how good you can feel after having your junk amputated.

Idiot Criminal of the Day

On Friday, a screening of the new Hugh Jackman movie "Prisoners" was interrupted at a theater near Portland, Oregon when someone thought a person had pulled a GUN. Thankfully, they were wrong. It started when a man in his 70s, who hasn't been identified, decided to go to the bathroom. But instead of leaving the theater, he unzipped and relieved himself on a 14-year-old KID. And yes, police say the man HAD been drinking. At that point, the kid's parents FLIPPED OUT on the guy. And during the fight, someone thought they heard something about a weapon. Now, it's not clear what the person THOUGHT they heard, but they yelled out that someone had a GUN, and the whole theater started panicking. Then nearby businesses were put on lockdown. Eventually, police got there and DIDN'T find any weapons. And in the end, the elderly man was just banned from the theater. So far, the family of the kid has decided NOT to press charges.

A Mom Catches Her Daughter and Friends Lying to Hang Out With Older Guys So She's Selling Their One Direction Concert Tickets on eBay

There's a mother in Queensland, Australia whose daughter is at that terrifying age where she's obsessed with guys, whether they're the older guys at her school or 90-pound British guys in a boy band. Apparently, earlier this month, the mom caught her daughter and friends LYING about sleepovers so they could go hang out at an older guy's house. Her daughter's exact age wasn't released, but I'm guessing somewhere between 13 and 17. So now the mom is getting her revenge through rational, reasoned parenting and discipline. Just kidding. She's punishing her daughter and friends by SELLING the ONE DIRECTION tickets she bought for them on eBay. In the eBay listing, she wrote, quote, "You can thank my daughter's self-righteous and lippy attitude for their sale. See sweety? And you thought I was bluffing. "You all LIED to us about sleepovers so you could hang like little trollops at an older guy's house. I find it highly amusing you girls think you invented this stuff. Tricks like this on OUR parents is how half of you were conceived." Unfortunately, once this eBay auction started getting attention, some people made ridiculous bids, like $35,000 for four tickets. So the auction has been temporarily pulled down.

Wait, there's only 10 different types of smells!? See what they are here:

You probably know that your taste buds only pick up five flavors, salty, sour, bitter, sweet, and savory and everything you eat, drink, or randomly lick falls into those categories. Turns out the same thing happens with smell. Scientists at Bates College in Maine have found that there are really only 10 SMELLS in the world, and everything you smell falls into one of those categories.

The 10 smells are:  

Fragrant, like flowers

Woody 

Lemon and citrus 

Other fruit 

Chemical 

Mint 

Sweet 

Pungent 

Popcorn 

Decayed

Yes, for some reason popcorn gets its own.  And decayed sums up pretty much everything BAD, from a rotting corpse to the rotting smell of the room after everyone ate at Chipotle.

The Top 10 Things We All Do, But Would Never Admit

There's a lot of stuff that goes on when you're alone that you'd NEVER talk about. And how do we know you do it? Because everyone ELSE does it too. There was a discussion online yesterday about the things we ALL do, but would never admit. Here are the top 10...

1.  Practicing conversations in your head in advance.

2.  Being a hypocritical driver. Like, when someone else slows down because they're lost, you yell at them, but if YOU slow down because you're lost, you don't know why everyone yells at you.

3.  Picking your nose.

4.  Winning arguments in your head long after the argument ended.

5.  Caring way too much about what other people think about you.

6.  Getting into debates and arguments when you really don't have much knowledge on the subject.

7.  Admiring the size and volume of what you just left in the toilet.

8.  Picturing an entire relationship in your head when you first start dating someone.

9.  Occasionally having a racist thought, even though you KNOW you're not racist.

10.  Using the bathroom at home and not washing your hands.

Idiot Criminal of the Day

No means no. Even when that "no" is in response to the question, "Can I please perform an exorcism to remove the demon that may or may not be possessing you?" On Monday night, 54-year-old David Benes of Tampa, Florida wanted to perform an EXORCISM on his 80-year-old girlfriend. Yes, that's right, his EIGHTY-YEAR-OLD girlfriend. They've been together three years and we're not sure how they met. She didn't want him to perform the exorcism, it's not clear if she even believed she NEEDED an exorcism, but he went ahead with it anyway. But things got too rough, and she ended up calling 911. When the cops got there, they found bruises and scratches on her arms. David was arrested on several charges, including battery on a person over 65 and false imprisonment. Oh, and he was drunk at the time.

Idiot Criminal of the Day

Well, at least no one can blame this crime on PLAYING "Grand Theft Auto Five". You can only blame it on WANTING to play "Grand Theft Auto Five". On Monday night, 19-year-old Kirolos Sayed, 20-year-old Matthew Kirshen, and 19-year-old Frank Santanastoso from Staten Island, New York wanted to get a copy of "Grand Theft Auto Five", but didn't want to wait in a 500-person line at the mall. So they POSED AS COPS to jump the line.  Kirolos and Matthew flashed fake badges at mall security, and Frank showed off a tattoo of a police badge. They convinced the guards they were cops and got into the mall right before midnight. They bought a copy of the game, ran out, and hopped in their car, which they'd rigged up with lights and sirens. They peeled out of the mall parking lot and blew a few stop signs before a REAL cop pulled them over. All three of them were arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Jim Carrey Headed For “Breakdown”?

Friends fear Jim Carrey is “headed for a devastating breakdown,” claims the National Enquirer.

“Jim has suffered from severe depression in the past, and you have to worry those fearful days are coming back again,” a so-called “close source” tells the tabloid.
The Enquirer insider adds, “When you talk to him, he’s not as animated as he used to be. He seems at a low point — like a ship without a rudder.”
According to the outlet, Carrey’s “most heartbreaking problem is that he still pines for the love of his life, former Playboy playmate Jenny McCarthy.”
Another Enquirer insider explains, “There’s no shortage of young beauties who will throw themselves at Jim, but he’s been searching for real love, and there’s no one to replace Jenny.”
Carrey’s “disastrous love life” and career “doldrums” mean the actor could be in serious trouble, suggests the magazine, which cites “concerned sources” as saying that his problems “could push him over the edge.”
One source tells the Enquirer, “He’s in a fragile emotional state. Pals fear for his future.”
Uh-huh.
The tabloid seems to love nothing more than predicting meltdowns and breakdowns for various Hollywood stars — Christina Applegate, Halle Berry, Katie Holmes, Jennifer Lawrence — getting it wrong over and over again.
And that’s what’s happened yet again here.
The story is “not true,” a close Carrey pal tells Gossip Cop, adding, “He’s never been happier.”

A Man Offers Free Football Tickets If You Take His Stepdaughter on a Date and She's Not Bad

I don't think this counts as a stepdad PIMPING out his stepdaughter, if anything it seems like more of a DOWRY? A man in Gainesville, Florida is giving away two tickets to a big college football game on Saturday between the University of Florida and the University of Tennessee. So the tickets are FREE, but there's a catch. The person who gets the tickets has to take this guy's stepdaughter to the game on a DATE. The guy's Craigslist ad says, quote, "Your cost will be a modest dinner, drinks, and delightful conversation with her before or after the game." So his stepdaughter must be horrible, right? Nope. From the photos he put up, she certainly doesn't LOOK like she'd need help getting a date. She's not a supermodel, but it doesn't seem like a BRIBE is required to help her meet guys. Her stepdad is reviewing people who submitted to the ad. He's looking for, quote, "an attractive, professional, single, well-educated gentleman with a good sense of humor, [ages] 25 to 33." He's also hoping the person is a Tennessee fan

Idiot Criminal of the Day

Have you ever rented a moving truck that wasn't big enough, and had to make two trips? You probably kicked yourself for not paying extra for the bigger one, but not as hard as THESE idiots are kicking themselves. On Friday, three burglars in Winter Park, Florida decided to rob a woman's house while she wasn't home. And they managed to pack $10,000 worth of stuff into the U-Haul they rented. But they wanted MORE, so they left, unloaded the truck, and then went back for a second load. But by that time, a neighbor had realized what was going on and called the woman who lived there. So when they showed up with the empty U-Haul and realized she was HOME, they took off. But the woman followed them in her car, called 911, and now they're facing charges for burglary, criminal mischief, and grand theft.